We're inevitably going to break 196 hearts, and send 4 people (and their guest) to the show in Dixon, IL. It's a bittersweet thing, but let's rip this Band-Aid off. We asked you to give us your best one-sentence campfire stories to win tickets to the sold out Mumford & Sons show. and holy moley did you deliver. Quick aside: hey, did you know Marcus Mumford totally broke his hand yesterday?
And now, on to the Honorable Mentions!
These ranged from hilarious to heartbreaking, with a dash of digusting. But we have to give them all props:
"And when I looked down at my left hand, the hand where my wedding ring typically rested, I knew I had lost more than just my dignity that day on the river." --Neil Wissmann, offering some regrets on the river.
"History was alive when we made that Byzantine fortification wall into a gettin' busytine fornication wall... if you know what I mean." --Jeanette, with best use of Ancient Roman history as sexual deviancy.
"One summer, we ended every night at the campfire with my one legged grandpa on harmonica, my toothless grandma on the auto-harp and every kid dancing around the trailer lot with a flaming sword in hand." --Brian Morgan, on the really good old days.
"'Urine ash if you piss in the fire' my uncle shouted while holding a fuji bottle of moonshine." --Adam Hallas, on words to live by.
"I once heard two people having very loud, voracious sex in a tent... while camping... with my mom." --Missalgernon, on upcoming therapy sessions.
"Only falling in love could inspire blazing-hot-summer sex in a tent to the deafening sound of helicopters departing for Grand Canyon tours." --Nannynadine, who made us all jealous.
"I thought I'd pulled my jeans far enough forward upon squatting to pee, but the blurred vision clearly lied." --K Addis, on mastering a squat faux pas.
"Camping is in tents." --Esmith326, pun expert.
"True Story: I was camping at a music festival last weekend when a young lady came over, sat in one of our chairs and proceeded to both urinate AND defecate in her LEGGINGS." --STLTom, on reasons to go ahead and throw that camp chair away.
"While us guys were out on the canoe enjoying a bowl and a beer, the girls were sitting around the fire partaking in the baked bean explosion." --Ikeithr, who gave birth to the phrase "partaking in the baked bean explosion."
"We sat next to the pond in darkness for about a half hour listening to the deafening calls of the bullfrogs when suddenly my professor turned on his headlamp and said, 'Back to work. Now remember...if you see two treefrogs mating, separate them and throw the male as far as you can into the forest.'" --Nina, on why professors make the big bucks.
"Jim found a stray dog, and we named him 'Jazz Dog.'" --Struckelbreimehan, on genius ideas.
pictured: actual first result upon Googling "Jazz Dog."
And now, your winners. Each of these entries were voted on by the staff (and some pretty cool interns), and will receive a pair of tickets (and camping tickets) each to the sold out Mumford & Sons show, featuring Gogol Bordello, Dawes, and many more. Yeah, we're kind of jealous we're not going either.
First off is Nicole and a "I've made a huge mistake" moment:
"As the wall of water came toward us she asked, 'If the tent is waterproof, will it serve as a raft?' and I thought, 'I'll never survive with friends like these.'"
Second we have mumford12 (whose name did not give them an edge, but whatever) with a really bad idea:
"If you run out of wood, I strongly advise against burning the 5 foot diameter fiber glass turtle from the campground putt-putt golf course."
Third we have Joe Murray, with our most poetic entry. We must have re-read this 50 times. We even Googled it to make sure it was original! Deep stuff, man. Deep. And very nice work:
"It is astonishing, the power that the pure energy of fire contains, captivating and creating the utmost of silences within its audiences, simply by its mere existence."
And last but not least, with the most votes amongst staff, is Bob and his war with nature:
"By nightfall we had not yet discerned whether the raccoons were hostile, but there was no denying that they were organized."
We'll be in touch with the winners, and congrats to everyone! This is by far the most incredible set of entries we've ever had. Coming up soon, we're going to have giveaways for My Morning Jacket and Band of Horses, Sublime with Rome (note: not sure if Jim Rome, or entire country of Rome at press time), the Avett Brothers and more. As always, you'll hear about these contests first on the KDHX Facebook and Twitter pages. See you soon!